Her Father's Daughter...

As I was stroking Beanie's hair today , I noticed... a few blonde hairs. Say it isn't so!

At least she has my brown eyes...

Not that I'm biased or anything...

... but Beanie is pretty damn cute. I know every mom thinks that her child is adorable, but Bean really is. I've seen a couple of kids that I acknowledged were as cute as Bean, so obviously I have an impartial eye!

My Little Mini-Me

I have to admit, I love having a daughter (mental note to self: remember to delete this post if you ever have a son). Besides the obvious fun of dressing her up, I'm looking forward to developing a mother-daughter relationship with Bean. I have visions of us shopping together, hanging out, and having wonderful conversations about life. Of course, this all has to be done before she's eleven and goes through that phase where she'll think I'm the second uncoolest person in the world (first will be her dad, of course!).

It's exciting yet stressful at the same time. I want to be a strong role model for her, and I'm really working on those parts I think need, well... work. First on that list is to stop obsessing about my weight. I've had a lifelong struggle with body image, and I definitely don't want to pass that on to Bean. I've vowed to never say "I'm fat" in front of her, and more importantly, never even jokingly call her fat, chubby, or plump. She's going to know how perfect she is, without, hopefully, being a big bloaty head :)

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Baby,

You're too young to understand this yet, and you probably won't understand until you have a child of your own, but the day you were born I got the best Mother's Day gift in the whole world. I love you so much it breaks my heart to think I ever lived without you.

Love,
Mommy

To sleep, perchance to dream...

I'm afraid to even post this lest I jinx myself, but Bean has been… sleeping through the night! In her bassinette, no less!

For those of you whom don't know the story, Beanie has slept in our bed since we brought her home. She'd sleep like a baby (hee!) in her bassinette for naps but would scream like a banshee if we put her there at night. How does that song go? We fought the Bean, and the Bean won… It actually worked out better that she was in bed with us since she was waking up 3x in the night to nurse. I had resigned myself to her sleeping with us until she outgrew her crib (and therefore rendering the money spent on crib bedding, etc., a complete waste) and not getting a full night's sleep until, well, ever again.

Jim had been telling me for weeks, "She'll be sleeping through the night soon, and things will get better." Tell this to a sleep-deprived mommy, and your liable to get kicked in the nuts. I'd fire back, "Oh, yeah? Easy for you to say! What makes you think she'll sleep through the night anytime soon? I'm the one that wakes up with her! How would you know if her sleep habits are getting better? You're sleeping!" Let's just say I had just a wee bit of frustration built up...

About a week and a half ago, Jim and I decided to try the bassinette again. Her caregivers at daycare have been successfully putting her in her crib for naps, so we thought it'd be worth a try. Miraculously, she went down without a fight and slept until 5 AM. Jim didn't say anything, but I knew what he was thinking. "Oh, yeah,? Well I'm sure it's a fluke, don't get your hopes up, buddy!" The second night, she slept until 5 again. And again the third night. She's now sleeping until the alarm goes off at 6:30. I feel like I've hit the baby lotto.

I have to admit, the one time Jim's been right about something, I'm glad it was about this ;-)

Does that come with an off switch?

Beanie has quite the temper. Most of the time, she's very good natured and incredibly easy. Occasionally, though, she'll get in one of her moods (usually when she's over-tired). It's amazing how much scream can come out of something so teensy. And screaming is the appropriate description because she doesn't shed tears. It's just full-on, purple-faced, I-want-everyone-to-think-that-you're-sticking-me-in-the-eye-with-a-pointy-object hysterics. The word apoplectic comes to mind. The only thing that consoles her when she gets like this is nursing, even if she's just eaten and not hungry.

Last night we visited relatives, and Beanie was smiling and talking and just generally being the adorable child that she is. As soon as we sat down to dinner, though, she started to cry (Murphy's Baby Law #143). As soon as I heard her, I could tell immediately it was a prelude to the storm. I picked her up, but my father INSISTED on taking her to calm her down. She kept crying, and I tried to take her back. No, no, he raised three daughters, he certainly can handle Bean! He took her to a bedroom, where I could still hear her wailing. Then screaming. Then shrieking. Three minutes later, he comes running out, hands her to me saying, "Okay, okay, she beat me!". Mind you, this is the man that flew helo's during the war and kept going back after being shot down three times.

I clamp her on; she sucks for dear life for two minutes, and passes out. As Jim says, thank goodness for boobies....

...Paved with Good Intentions

Things on my Mommy To Do List:

1. Start a scrapbook to capture all her "firsts"
2. Frame her baby pictures
3. Play classical musical for her regularly
4. Put her on a regular routine of sleeping in her crib
5. Teach her to not be materialistic
6. Slowly expose her to our dogs so that they all get along
   

Things I've Done Instead List:

1. Spread out scrapbooking supplies on my dining room table (where they still lay 2 months later)
2. Found all her baby pictures (I think) and put them in the same shoebox
3. Does 50-Cent count as a classic?
4. Adjusted to her routine of sleeping in our bed
5. Purchased the entire Ralph Lauren Spring 2005 Baby Collection
6. Used her as bait to lure our dogs back when they ran off
   

Oh well… I have done one thing right - her! She's just perfect :-)

Separation Anxiety

- Beanie with her toys at daycare

I must admit I've been remiss in my blog responsibilities. Let's see, what's been going on since I last posted... Oh, not much, except that I WENT BACK TO WORK !

I started last week, and the first day was awful. It started off on a great note with a traffic accident on I-10. Beanie is *ok* on car rides, but she hates it when the car stops. We're in stand-still traffic, and she's screaming her fool head off, and I'm right there with her, crying my eyes out. It doesn't get any better when we get to the daycare. She stops crying, but of course I don't. I make myself leave and head over to my office. After I pull myself together in the parking lot (read: wipe up the mascara running down my face, blow my nose, and try not to look like a complete basket-case), I go into the office. Of course, the first thing they ask me is, "How's Reese?". Waaahhhhhh!!! My baby can't be away from me all day!!!

Somehow I manage to make it until lunch when I can go see her. A million scenarios have been running through my head, all of which include my poor little Bean crying frantically for her mommy and evil daycare workers leaving her in a corner in a dirty diaper. I race over, knocking over other moms and dodging wee little ones to get to my poor baby. I throw open the infant room door, ready to rescue her, and I find her….

Asleep. Apparently she's been a model baby all morning and had just gone down for her nap. I wake her up, and she's all smiles. I think to myself, "well, let's see how she is when I leave." After nursing her, I have to head back to work. I brace myself for the inevitable tears when I go. I set her down in a swing, and she's immediately fixated by the toy toucan attached to it. She barely notices me saying goodbye to her.

Waaahhh!!! My baby doesn't need me!! Waaah!

Do I have "sucker" written on my forehead?

Apparently, both my daughter and my dogs think so.

In the animal world, dogs operate in a pack structure. Every pack must have a leader, the alpha dog, and all the other dogs happily give deference to the alpha. When you have a dog as a pet, you must assert yourself as the alpha dog. We have two dogs, and let's just say that Jim calls me the Omega Vy. They walk all over me.

It appears that things are no different with Bean. When she cries, I jump. She has me well trained, to say the east. Today, Beanie was on the couch with Jim, and she let out her cry. I was ready to pick her up, but Jim just looked over at her, raised an eyebrow, and she stopped crying and smiled back at him. That little stinker! When she cries when I'm with her, she only wants to be held and won't stop unless I pick her up. Oh well, I guess there could be worse things than your daughter wanting you to hold her :)

A Room with a View

I stopped by my company's daycare today to pick up some paperwork; while I was there, I visited the infant room to meet Beanie's future caregivers. They had an empty crib ready for her -- "Look, she got the best location. She's right by the window where she can get lots of sunshine and see outside." Great. All I could think was, "I hope they have UV coating on these windows. And is this the best crib location in case of a tornado?"

Everyone was really nice, though, and they made me feel *a little* better about leaving Beanie in daycare. One of my concerns is that they don't let babies sleep in the swings (they'll move them to their crib), and they aren't allowed to swaddle the babies. For the last 5 weeks, Beanie will ONLY nap if she's swaddled and in her swing. Hey, if they can get her trained to nap in a crib, more power to them.

I'm so nervous about her first day next week. Aside from my zillion personal worries about being a bad mother, being able to "do it all" working and being a mom, etc., I worry about her having fun and making friends. Ack, I'm a going to be a wreck. Heck, I'm already a wreck.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice...

I went to Foley's last night to buy some cheap "transitional" clothes so I can go back to work in clothes other than the sweatpants and Jim's XL undershirts that have been my uniform for the last 3 months. I'm still 14lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight, and none of my regular clothes fit.

After trying on a few items, I got too depressed and headed for the baby department. Oh, I so love little girl clothes! I bought Bean some really adorable outfits and a pair of cute espadrilles for summer. Even though she can't crawl or walk, it's critical she has cute shoes, you know.

It's funny...before I got pregnant, I always said, "If I have a daughter, I will not force her into traditional gender roles. She will be dressed in neutral colors, and she will play with toy racecars and trucks. Her room will be decorated in bright primary colors that will stimulate her mind. She will not be subjected to gender stereotypes, and her role models will be strong women."

Of course, as soon as I found out I was having a girl, I went out and bought everything pink and frilly I could find. I picked out fairy princess bedding for her crib, and had a fairy-themed mural painted in her room.

Sigh, she's going to be a mess with me as her mom. But at least she'll be cute :)

Have Aspirator, Will Travel

Beanie's cold is almost gone - she still has a touch of congestion, though. I know how crappy I feel when I can't breath, so I've been stalking Beanie with the nasal aspirator I got from the hospital (actually, I have two - I bought a second one because you never know when you might need one!). Every time she's not looking, I stick one up her nose, trying to suck out the mucus. I hit the jackpot this morning, though. In my half-sleep, I pulled the aspirator out of her nose. Were my eyes deceiving me? I rubbed my eyes and took a closer look - yes, I had gotten one! A big, fluorescent green booger! I wiped it on a tissue and showed Jim -- look what I got!

Neither he nor Bean seemed impressed. They should just be glad I didn't save it for her scrapbook.

Miss Personality Plus

I could watch Beanie all day – her expressions are just priceless. If only I could get into her head to see what she’s thinking. It’s probably very lizard brain (hungry… must cry…pooped on my myself… must cry), but she always looks like she’s deep in thought.

My sister was over today, and I swear Beanie was giving her dirty looks. She’d knit her little eyebrows and look at my sister out of the corner of her eye. She looks just like a Yoshitomo Nara drawing incarnate. Absolutely precious, of course.

After my sister left, I played with Beanie on the couch. I’m not sure what I did, but she actually laughed! Not just a smile, but a full-on giggle! The moment was bittersweet, though, as I was reminded how much I’m going to miss out when I go back to work. Sigh…

Is it wrong to have a crush on your baby's pediatrician?

We went to see Dr. Alley today. He checked Beanie out, and she's doing much better. Her lungs and ears are clear, and she doesn't have a fever. She's still congested and occasionally coughs, but it looks like she's on the mend. Dr. Alley is SO good with her. He plays with her, and she smiles and coos back at him. He says she's absolutely adorable and is just perfect. We love Dr. Alley!

Bean starts daycare in a week and a half. I'm lucky that my company has daycare services, so I'll be able to go nurse her during lunch. I know that they'll take good care of her, and she'll be getting loads of attention and stimulation, but I can't help but obsess about her getting sick from the other bundles of germs...er, I mean joy. Oh, well, maybe we'll get to see more of that cutie, Dr. Alley, won't we Bean?

It Pays to be Pushy...

Reese is still sick today; fortunately she's not worse. I called the pediatrician's office again to give them an update (I'm sure they were waiting with baited breath). After my litany of questions (Could it be RSV? Did I tell you her poops have turned green? What if her temperature drops instead of having a fever? Did I ask you if this could be RSV yet?), they said I could bring her in so they could check her out. Woohoo!

It's a bad thing to be a hypochondriac. Thank goodness I'm not one.

Sneezes, Coughs, and Spit-Up, Oh My!

Bean woke up at 3AM coughing and sneezing, poor little mouse. I reached over to check her temperature and was greeted by a warm gush of liquid. Yikes! Had her diaper come loose?!

I flipped on the light, and Bean had spit up about a half gallon of Grade A boob milk. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and gave me a gummy smile. She just melts me...

As soon as the office opened, I called her pediatrician. The nurse told me that she didn't need to come in unless she started to run a fever. Luckily, she doesn't have one and isn't too fussy. It breaks my heart that she doesn't feel well, though.

Yeeeeoooowww!

That's the sound you'd make if your dear little one chomped down on your nipple. Hard.

Ah, the joys of breastfeeding. I have to admit, breastfeeding sucks sometimes. Okay, more than sometimes. I've battled mastitis and thrush, not to mention the initial break-in period where I actually had scabs on my nipples. Fun, eh? I'd do it all again, though, knowing that I'm giving Bean the best nourishment. I'm not against formula, but if you could give your child something better, wouldn't you?

Now when she gets teeth, though, I may have to rethink this whole breastfeeding thing ;-)